


The Weight of My Sins

by dragonwings948



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, The Doctor & The Master (Doctor Who) Friendship, The Harvest of Time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24833026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwings948/pseuds/dragonwings948
Summary: The Doctor's made a big mistake, probably one of the worst mistakes he's ever made. And while he's glad to see that Jo's all right after another crazy adventure, he can't quite admit to her what he's done.
Relationships: Third Doctor & Jo Grant, Third Doctor & The Master (Delgado)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	The Weight of My Sins

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this thing forever ago and just unearthed it from the depths of my documents! This fic takes place right after The Harvest of Time, a WONDERFUL book by Alistair Reynolds! Seriously, if you love the Third Doctor era, especially the Doctor's relationships with the Master and Jo, you will LOVE this book! 
> 
> That being said, you don't really have to have read the book to understand this. You will have to wait a bit longer to hear about the Doctor's big mistake though ;) Second chapter will be up soon, it's mostly written already. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The Doctor stared at the TARDIS doors. He looked back over his shoulder at the console and took a step back in that direction. _I really should begin working on…_

He shook his head and turned his shoulders to the doors once more. He had already stalled long enough by methodically checking the damage to his beloved time and space machine. And while he was almost completely sure he had landed in the right time zone (it had a distinctive scent of time he could never forget after living there for so long), his mind tried to frighten him by chanting _what if, what if , what if…_

If he had landed in the wrong time, he might never be able to get back to where he belonged. Repairing the TARDIS after the explosion and all the overexertion she had just been through could be next to impossible without the right equipment.

Even if he was in the right time zone, he could be off by months, years even.

Pushing away his thoughts, the Doctor pulled open one of the doors. He stepped out with care, almost afraid to take in his surroundings. His feet leveled on a solid tile floor. The Doctor let out a great sigh, taking in the sight of the empty laboratory shaded in shadows. He turned to pat the closest corner of the TARDIS and spoke in a gentle voice, “I know it’s been a rough time, old girl, but we’ve made it.”

To confirm his speculations, he glanced at the brown desk on the other side of the room, random equipment scattered all over the surface. Even the mug of coffee Jo had brought him what seemed like so long ago still sat there, half full. Clearly no one had been in here for quite some time…

_Jo._

And immediately his mind and his feet were racing.

As he rushed out of the laboratory and into the corridor, his thoughts organized themselves in order to come to a logical conclusion. Jo was sure to be home by this hour. And yet, it still seemed too quiet for UNIT headquarters. After spending countless nights in the lab working endlessly on the TARDIS, he had grown accustomed to the quiet sounds of soldier’s footsteps passing through the hallways. Now, the place seemed deserted. The only sound to be heard was the frantic clopping of his shoes as he rushed toward the Brigadier’s office.

He had to have stopped the Sild in time.

Then his imagination kicked in. As much as he tried to stop it, his mind pushed at him an image of Jo with a metal crab attached to the back of her neck.

His companion’s eyes, always so full of vibrancy and excitement, were now blank and lifeless, reflecting the emptiness inside.

The Doctor shook the thought away. Jo was smarter than that. The Brigadier wouldn’t have let it happen. Yates and Benton would have protected her.

And yet, the placating thoughts did nothing to calm the Doctor’s racing hearts.

Finally the Doctor rounded the last corner to face the Brigadier’s office and was met with a closed door and a dark window.

Without a moment’s hesitation the Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket. He fiddled with the settings, and his mind took him back to the last time he had toyed with his screwdriver.

The Doctor shook his head. Not now. Eventually he would sit down and reflect upon what had happened…but not while his friends could still be in danger.

Satisfied with his tinkering, the Doctor pointed the screwdriver at the doorknob and activated it. A low hum sounded from the instrument and distinct click came from the door. The Doctor allowed himself a brief smile before barging into the Brigadier’s office. It was empty, of course, and the Brigadier’s spotless nature was evident in the way that the office looked like it had never been lived in.

“Gives me nothing to work with,” the Doctor grumbled as he walked behind the desk. However, he froze as he heard the distinct sound of footsteps. He spun to face Jo, whose eyes were wide with surprise but her lips set in a wide smile.

“Doctor!” she exclaimed, running straight toward him.

The Doctor opened his arms to her and let her plow straight into him, the impact throwing him off balance. He grabbed the edge of the Brigadier’s desk in order to stay upright as Jo threw her arms around him and hugged him.

It was a different sort of hug than usual, the Doctor noted. Normally when Jo hugged him, she immediately pulled away, ready to tell him something or ask an endless number of questions.

This time, she held onto him like a lifeline and said nothing for a long moment. The Doctor pulled her into his arms, his anxiety dissipating in one breath.

“Doctor, I’m so glad you’re all right.”

He pulled Jo close and briefly kissed the top of her head, infinitely grateful that she was here, that she was okay. “I’m glad you’re all right.”

Finally she did pull away from him, still smiling, but her eyes misty. “Doctor, I…I thought you were dead after the Brigadier bombed Durlston Heath. I didn’t want to believe it, but I did. And when you didn’t come back after the Sild were gone…”

“Yes…” The Doctor absently scratched his cheek, unable to help the feeling of guilt from causing Jo so much distress. “Well, the TARDIS was damaged, I’m afraid. I couldn’t get her back as soon as I would have liked.”

Jo frowned, her expression shifting to concern. “Can you fix it?”

The Doctor nodded, sighing. “In time, yes. I plan on getting started tonight.” He held out his arm and smiled at her. “Care to join me?”

“I’d care to know what on earth you two are doing in my office.”

Jo spun with a gasp and grabbed onto the Doctor’s offered arm. The Brigadier stood in the doorway, his expression weary but his eyes stone cold.

“You are aware that this office is locked for a reason, Doctor? There are important documents in here that could destroy the world if they fell into the wrong hands.”

“Certainly, Brigadier,” he replied with the same amount of sharpness. “That’s why I was intending on locking it again as soon as I was done.”

The Brigadier raised one eyebrow. “And why exactly were you in here?”

“Looking for you, of course! I couldn’t find anyone and I thought maybe…”

“Maybe what, Doctor?”

“Maybe I was too late,” the Doctor stated firmly, glaring at the Brigadier. “I wanted to make sure that everyone was all right.” Jo’s pressure on his arm increased, but he kept his eyes trained on the Brigadier.

One corner of the Brigadier’s mustache twitched upward. “I never knew you cared, Doctor.” His eyes lightened with mirth, and the Doctor let out a huff as he relaxed.

“I wanted to make sure Jo was all right,” the Doctor amended. Then, before the Brigadier could say anything further, he tugged Jo forward. “We’ll be going now, Brigadier. Goodnight.”

The Brigadier watched as the two walked past him, arm in arm. “Goodnight, Doctor, Miss Grant. You know I’ll be expecting a full report, Doctor.”

The Doctor didn’t look back at him. “Report,” he muttered disdainfully. As if Lethbridge-Stewart would even understand anything he had seen…

… _they_ had seen.

The Doctor cringed. He couldn’t help but feel like he had made one of the biggest mistakes he had ever made. Maybe even the biggest. The Master…

“Are you all right, Doctor?”

The Doctor blinked, shaking himself from his thoughts. “Yes, quite all right, Jo.”

They entered the lab, and the Doctor led Jo into the TARDIS. He sighed as he stared at the console. Where to begin?

He released his arm from Jo’s and flopped down onto his back underneath the console. “Ah yes, I see,” he murmured as he noticed a couple of wires sparking, disconnected in the middle. He grabbed them and immediately got to work, glad of a task to occupy his mind.

* * *

“Doctor?” Jo finally asked after sitting on the floor of the console room for several minutes in silence. She was almost convinced that he had forgotten she was there altogether.

“Hm?” he muttered, brow furrowed in determination as his hands worked underneath the console.

“What did you do to make the Sild leave?”

The Doctor’s arms became still. Even from this angle, she could see the evident frown appear on his face. Something about what had happened broke through his emotional barrier and distracted him from the TARDIS, something Jo had found was almost impossible to do. His arms slowly lowered themselves to his sides. “I’m afraid it’s rather a long story.” He said it like an afterthought; it obviously wasn’t the foremost thing in his mind.

She had never quite seen him act like this before. What could trouble him this much? Still, she was curious and eager to hear what he had accomplished while she had been stuck here. “I’ve got all night,” she replied with a smile. 

The Doctor sighed and reached back up into the console. “Oh, all right.”

Jo grinned, though she knew he couldn’t see it, and leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands. She always loved the way the Doctor told his stories.

“It all began at Durlston Heath,” the Doctor began after a few moments of silence. Jo found herself captivated from the first sentence, as his deep, measured voice played the part of the perfect narrator. She kept her gaze trained on him the whole time as he moved all around the console, occasionally pausing his story in order to concentrate on whatever he was fixing.

Jo couldn’t quite believe that the Doctor and the Master had worked together for so long; she was sure they would tear each other to pieces after five minutes. But when she interrupted to express her thoughts, the Doctor replied, “Remember, Jo, we used to be friends. A long, long time ago.” And he continued on.

Jo could tell the Doctor glossed over some details; like how the Doctor and the Master knew about the Consolidator, and what exactly they had found in there. She filed her questions away for later, waiting to ask until the end. The Doctor had already expressed irritation at her interrupting to ask so many questions.

Finally the Doctor came to a point where he paused, like he had when she had first asked about what had happened. He was standing up at this point, having removed the glass from the middle of the console so he could work on the time rotor. His eyebrows furrowed together and he continued his work on the parts, but eventually he shook his head and looked down at the ground.

Jo stood. “What is it, Doctor?” His look concerned her. It was something she had never seen before; like some kind of intense guilt.

He said nothing for a few moments. His eyes closed. Jo debated whether to stay put or comfort him, but the Doctor sighed and seemed to become normal again before she could make up her mind.

“It’s nothing, Jo. Where was I?”

“But Doctor…are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yes, of course.” He continued his tinkering and Jo took a seat again as he continued the story. She only half paid attention now, however, as she wondered what could be troubling the Doctor.

“…and then I finally made it back and ran into you, my dear.” He smiled at her as he carefully placed the glass back in the center of the console.

“But Doctor, there are some things that still don’t make sense. Like—”

“There are some things, Jo,” he said, staring at the console, “some things that you’re not quite ready to understand.”

Jo crossed her arms over her chest. “Ready to understand? But Doctor—”

He looked over at her and offered a weary smile. “Please, Jo. Trust me this once.”

She couldn’t deny that pleading look in his eyes. “Okay, fine,” she sighed.

“Thank you.” He lightly tapped underneath her chin. “Now go home and get some rest.”

“What about you?”

“Oh, I imagine I’ll be repairing this for a few hours more.”

Jo looked deep into his eyes. She didn’t want to leave him, but she could also tell he was entering into one of those moods where he didn’t want to be disturbed. If she gave him some space, maybe he would eventually tell her the truth. “All right. Well, goodnight Doctor.”

“Goodnight, Jo.”

She walked out of the TARDIS worried about the Doctor. And for once, she wasn’t worried about his life being in danger, but about his emotional state. What in the world could make him act this way?

Jo vowed to herself that she was going to try and help him, whether he liked it or not.


End file.
